Helpful resources

I have been contacted by several people who shared  helpful information for retirement age people and I would like to re-share them in this updated blog entry.

Susan Williams from sent me the following links:
– Moving tips for seniors in
– Aging in place and how to prepare for senior years in  – Making the move to assisted living in, use search phrase assisted living to list multiple resources
– Nutrition guide for the aging in

Nicole Clark sent me an article which reaffirms my concerns about alcohol abuse trends in older adults: Alcohol Abuse Trends in Older Adults, published in The Dunes of East Hampton.

Jane Sandwood from England sent me the link to her article about the importance of staying in touch with grandparents
Jane who is a manager for a small elderly care site is concerned that modern life with different generations moving around, has left families being stretched and the elderly being isolated and the isolation can cause depression. Her article covers why we should get in touch with grandparents and bring families together.

Audrey Baker recommended  A Family’s Guide to Caring for Aging Parents.

I hope you will find these resources helpful.

Holiday stress

As the holidays are getting closer, parents of adults children (particularly those that are not living in the same area) are starting to make plans where to go, with whom to celebrate, what gifts to give etc. For retirees these questions often bring to the surface unresolved or difficult issues regarding how to split resources (time and money) among children.

Whom should be visit- can all of them be rewarded equally – do you give a bigger present to the child who is less financially successful or to the one that has helped so much more when you were sick. Do you let your son host the holiday dinner even thought you don’t get along with his wife and she is a lousy cook.  Usually it is not the item (should we fly to CA to be with child X family over Thanksgiving)   that is the cause of the conflict, rather the psychological meaning that each spouse attach to that item – not feeling connected with that child for example is at the core for the husband or worrying about the financial cost because the tickets are so expensive.

Reading the Chapters 5 and 8 in my book can help reduce the conflicts and better understand each other point of view.

Grandparenting Styles

When people retire, their relationships with children, grandchildren, and other family members can be affected, a little or a lot, and for better or worse. While retirement frees a couple to spend more time with family members, it also can produce stress and conflict if the spouses aren’t in sync about how much time should be spent with the kinfolk. It’s a mistake to assume that everyone welcomes retirement as an opportunity to spend as much time as possible with offspring.
As we welcome the holiday season soon, here’s a look at several grandparenting styles, Our book, “A Couple’s guide to Happy Retirement,” includes many more along with explanations of family dynamics regarding these issues.

Common Grandparenting Styles:

• Formal. In this role, the grandparent is interested in the grandchild, provides occasional treats, but doesn’t invest large amounts of time in grandparenting or offer child-rearing advice to parents. A clear distinction is made between the role of parent and grandparent.

• Surrogate parent. Here there is no clear distinction between parent and grandparent. Typically, a grandparent—usually a grandmother—takes care of the grandchild, particularly if both parents are employed.

• Fun seeker. This style is marked by an informal, playful relationship between grandparent and grand-child. When they interact, it is often around games and other fun activities. This type of grandparent is a “buddy” to the child.

• Resource. This grandparent dispenses wisdom, teaches skills, helps with homework, and so on. Grandfathers often take on this style.

• Distant. This style is characterized by a distance between grandparent and grandchild, one that often goes beyond geographical distance. The grandparent sees the grandchild infrequently, usually on holidays or other special occasions, and there isn’t much emotional warmth.

• Safe haven. This style is characterized by warmth, closeness and emotional support. Again, regardless of geographical distance, the grandparents adoration, unconditional love and approval contributes to the development of a secure self in the grandchild.

For more see the book here, available for Kindle.